check your sugarcoat at the door » resolutions

movin’ & shakin’

calamityjill — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 16:44:25 +0000

At the beginning of April, Josh brought home a game for the Wii called Active 2 by EA Sports. Like most fitness ventures, I thought it would be motivating for a minute and then sputter out and die. Over two months later, I’m still logging four workouts per week in front of the tube, each over thirty minutes, burning around 250-350 calories per session. Which is no Olympic feat but I am jumping at the opportunity to brag about it. For me, it is quite the deal. I’ve committed to dropping a certain amount of pounds by a certain date which I’ve said aloud to some folks and Twitter followers making it a stone cold, iron-clad capital-c Commitment.

I skipped a Reese’s today, okay?

Some major indicators of what makes this SRS BUZNIS: I’ve given up beer and switched to clear liquors (Bacardi, vodka) without sugary mixers (substituting soda water or 100% juices). I’m getting out of bed at 5:20 a.m. 2-3 times a week to log an extra fifteen sweaty minutes on the treadmill. The only acceptable daytime snacks are little fiber bars or whole wheat crackers with no bullshit (ie awesome toppings) and the only acceptable nighttime snacks are non-existent. I’m cutting back on juices and upping my water, Crystal Light and Gatorade intake, being that I drink fluids all day, every day. Our dinners are centered around chicken and vegetables or brown rice. (Now accepting meal ideas!)

I’m tellin’ you, mang. It’s for realsies serious. And I welcome ideas and suggestions for the sedentary-by-day, active-by-evening lifestyle I’ve got going to burn off even more. If I hit my goal, everyone gets a prize!

Spoiler: the prize will be my never shutting up about it

-CJ

some resolutions, the 2011 edition

calamityjill — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 20:31:36 +0000

It packs little punch, unless you disregard how early in the year we are, but I’ve been on the treadmill every day this year. I’m on the way to being a healthier, more energized calamity.

My resolutions come and go, no matter what the calendar says. I made some last January and September and I’ve considered some recent ones. We can think about the ideas we have to improve our lives but saying them out loud (or publicly on one’s website) kind of makes them stick better than a fleeting, motivational thought.

I’m almost positive I made this one before but have since fallen off the wagon.

be more prepared

Punctuality, like money management, is a huge downfall of mine. It is attributed to laziness sometimes and that makes me upset. I’m far from lazy. I am just awful at time management. I have been lying to myself for months by telling myself that getting up at 6:30 in the morning leaves me enough time to get ready for work. It is a joke to think I can get myself, much less my mini-fam, out the door somewhere with less than half hour notice. Every party or gathering or whateverthehell requires me to be there at a certain-o’clock can expect me late. My friend Oscar told me after the fact that he had told me to be ready for a Reel Big Fish show an hour before he planned to pick me up, just to make sure we were on time. Oscar’s a smart man.

I expressed to Josh a couple weeks ago, on the way to my cousin’s birthday party, that it was beyond upsetting that I had gotten lost. I was already late and then I was more late and I was giving everyone a reason to chide me for being the superlate asshole that I always am.

Of course, no one really cared. I’m hardly that important. But it would have been nice to be ahead of myself, had directions written down, had the gift in hand before the day of the party… this is where I want to prepare. I have every single birthday I can think of in my *new planner* and I’m hoping that early in the month I can start gathering ideas about gifts and picking up or making the perfect card. Which leads to my next resolution:

supporting more small businesses

I flipped through the *new planner* last night and saw a good lady friend’s upcoming birthday in twelve days so I hopped on Etsy and did some browsing. I shouldn’t be running into Target the day of a special someone’s birthday to give my money to the big business people when it could be special and handcrafted and family owned and smell-goody like the soy candles I found for a steal at sprout candle shop or the hand-blown glass wine topper from dr. brontosaurus.

What did you resolve? What handmade goods to you love?

-CJ

last day of the decade

calamityjill — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 20:51:37 +0000

It’s the morning of the day before the end of the year and our celebratory plans have been put on hold. We have twelve hours to decide how to make the transition as memorable as possible. I know it’s just like every other day, technically, and I don’t make those midnights special but this means something to me. Most of last year was chaotic and unsure in a number of places that feel secure now. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be living with my roommate, as we didn’t really even live together anymore but paid the same rent. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever give in on being without a relationship. I wasn’t sure if I would even continue living in 2B for much longer, assuming roomie was moving on and who knew who’d be moving in. I was rarely sure of what bills I could pay and when.

Things make a lot more sense now. It’s a cleaner, more organized way of living and I don’t mean that in the physical sense at all. The future is less, maybe… and more, this is going to happen.

I want to start this new odd year with a celebration of these facts and a reminder that it can remain this way.

I hope there’s much to celebrate about 2010 and anticipate in 2011 for everyone. Crash on the couch tonight. It’s a rough drive.

Resolution update to follow…

Happy New Year!

-CJ

baby steps

calamityjill — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 06:05:58 +0000

Maybe it’s the calendar year changing from even to odd inspiring me or maybe it’s a short burst of motivation that will fizzle out soon. I’ve been taking better care of myself physically by forcing habits I should have had since childhood, like flossing, among others.

I considered what was keeping me off of the treadmill, which I SWORE would never happen if I ever owned one, and realized it was mostly about not wanting to drag the thing from its post in the dining room, into the living room, where I’m most comfortable on it. I find that being sucked into a TV show will keep me moving longer than music via headphones. So I did a little heavy lifting and made a home in the living room for the old hunk of metal.

That lever there in the circle? That’s how you adjust the speed, by yanking on that. How cool is this old thing?

It’s bulky and out of place but so is my midsection.

-CJ

are you still talking?

calamityjill — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 00:12:01 +0000

Just like everyone else, every December, say it with me now, I can’t believe the year is almost over.

In 2010 Kiddo turned seven, which was when I started to realize she wasn’t quite a baby anymore, but a stubborn individual who needs me a little less every ~~day week month~~ year. I turned twenty-five and for the first time, I worried a little bit about my age. There’s something freeing about being in your ‘early twenties.’ It excuses late nights and hangovers, renting instead of owning, shitty credit woes, hand-me-down chic, and mismatched silverware. No one ever asks me why I’m not married yet but rather whether I am considering marriage in the future. I can be ‘going through a phase.’ Am I supposed to be a more distinguished ‘adult’ by the time I cross the halfway point of my twenties? Am I going to shake my head and laugh with nervous embarassment when I look back at this in my thirties?

So much has changed. Early last year I would have choked on the rum I was so dependent on to think I would be happily committed come eight or nine months. I would have balked to think Kiddo could act any less than stellar. I would never have considered that I could be too brash. I would have hid behind my passive agressive tendencies to avoid ever admitting that sometimes I am wrong and more often than not, I have something to learn from everyone around me. It’s hard to see your own stubbornness and your own selfishness. It’s hard to catch yourself in the act, retract and rethink. And it’s hard to watch yourself fall on old habits you want so desperately to have corrected by now.

Dare I say, I might have learned a thing or two in those twelve weeks of anger management this summer.

Which is worse; stagnancy or regression? I think it’s important that I keep changing, be it for better or worse. I want to evolve into a happier, smarter, more independent, secure and selfless being. I want to be proud of myself. I want to be okay with being proud of myself. I am speaking for every woman in America, maybe.

There’s work to be done, surely. And I’ll write too much about it and be afraid of what other people think, no matter how hard I deny caring. Then I’ll rear back, confident, and challenge someone to care. I hope one day that the cycle stops at ‘confident.’

-CJ

resolutions in september

calamityjill — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 23:26:09 +0000

I received some pictures from the Flugtag pre-party shindig we got to attend:

That’s my big, bald sweetheart, Joshua.

She of the gracious invite to said shindig, Aislinn.

These images tie into one of two new resolutions.

I will be less stingy with photographs

I’m notoriously camera shy and that is putting it nicely. I’m generally pretty profane in my aversion to being in a picture and despite all my ‘radical self-love‘ speak, I insist every one that does end up taken is ugly and… the f-word. Fat. All the time with this! I need to cut the shit. Pictures don’t have to be pretty. They have to capture a moment in time so you can laugh at your hair with your (or someone else’s) grandbabies!

I may not share all or even most of the pictures I find myself taking willingly but I will not shy away or bash myself either!

The second resolution I recently made, and please suppress your laughter, is:

I will be nicer

Simply put. I have learned a lot about myself and I don’t like a lot of what I see. I recognize the selfishness and the roundabout and confusing way I try to deal with my anger. I see that I try to place blame more often than I will accept it as my own. My personality is generally very abrasive and without sacrificing who I am, I think I could make a conscious effort to be friendlier and more engaging. I’ve unofficially made Ree the supervisor of this resolution. As such, she is allowed to tell me when I’m acting the opposite of my resolve and I can’t take it personally. Because that wouldn’t be nice.

Wish me luck. Please.

-CJ

resolution update

calamityjill — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 23:40:52 +0000

I’ve always struggled to keep on top of events that require acknowledgment. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. My friends and family deserve recognition on their big days and I’m forever forgetting. I put the card in the mail the day of, if at all. Or send a text around lunch, which is about as impersonal as it gets. My mid-2010 (middle of the year already!) resolution is to be more on top of this. There’s simply no excuse not be a better person in this area. Two cards are going out today and I’m utilizing all forms of reminders and highlighters to be aware of what is coming up. It’s my responsibility to do what I can to remind the loved ones that they’re thought about, goddamit. So help me, I’ll get this.

On that note…
Six months ago I resolved to make some changes. So far…

Forever the picky eater, I will try new foods and branch out from my usual favorite staples this year.

My appetite is broadening and with that, my cooking skills. My feelings about the kitchen are sort of kind of a step above loathing now, which is huge progress. Where before I dreaded even coming home if it meant I’d have to make my next meal (the horror), I get excited to pick up new things at the grocery store for experimentation in my kitchenlab.
Some new likes: avocado (like, within the last two weeks), SOUR CREAM, cucumbers, potato and macaroni salad, and Chinese food (namely, orange chicken). I planted four zucchini plants in my front yard, which will lead to a number of recipes including batch upon batch of zucchini bread, which I’m silly thrilled for. (Other suggestions?) I’ve acquired a BBQ and will be playing with all kinds of seasonings, marinades and rubs this summer. You’re welcome for dinner anytime, you know.

I will spend more time with my sister, assuming she lets me. (Fourteen-year-olds are busy individuals.)

My sister and I are talking and texting more and more often. The sleepovers aren’t so frequent but she’s out of school soon and I will be stealing her away from hormone ridden boys for amusement parks and hikes. She has no say in the matter, as I’m the oldest. I’m hoping for a shit ton of live music too. It’s about time she got on board with my influence.

I will take better physical care of myself.

If there were a resolution progress contest, I’d have the gold, but for sure and I would flaunt it proudly. I’ve let some old, bad habits bury themselves, cut way back on hard liquor, made an almost daily stretching routine and utilized the oil cleansing method for my skin. There’s deep conditioning, hiking, almost meticulous oral hygiene rituals, moisturizing and sun screening. I’m pretty proud of how this resolution has stuck for these last few months. It’s integral for the long run of this machine that I keep up regular maintenance and remind myself that I hope to be around for a while, and not look too bad while I’m at it. The last two evenings have ended in a sweaty mess on the treadmill and tonight will as well. (Text to the boy: Twenty-five minutes tonight, GONNA DO IT.)

resolutions, the 2010 edition

calamityjill — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:56:53 +0000

They’re silly. If we really wanted to make changes, we wouldn’t wait for the calendar to tell us when we could do it. And yet, I’ve made some. And I’ve done pretty well for myself in this whoppin’ six days.

Forever the picky eater, I will try new foods and branch out from my usual favorite staples this year.

A big group of us cabbed it home from the party we went to on New Year’s Eve. The next morning we all went back to the same house for some traditional fixings of pork (for progress), black-eyed-peas (luck) and cabbage (prosperity). I’m a total carnivore but one look at the limp greenish cabbage and the spotted peas and I was shaking my head like a stubborn toddler. Eventually I caved. And hated them both. But at least I tried.

My ‘apartment family’ (neighborfriends) frequent a local restaurant chain because they’re friendly with some bartenders who happen to miscalculate our tab on a good night. I order one of two things to eat every time I’m there and the same tall beer. I have for years. Last time we went I changed up my order, much to my delight, and sampled a different (awful) ale.

The other day I had to run an errand on my lunch break that left mimimal grub time. I almost turned into a chain drive-thru for the same unhealthy meal I always order there but instead went up a few more streets and found a tiny French café that grilled me up my first panini.

Last night my lady friend, Jen, cooked a fabulous dinner for Ree, Kiddo and I. Her awesome green leaf salad, stuffed bell peppers and a side of seasoned vegetables that included cucumbers. I stuck my nose up at the cucumbers immediately. Then I remembered what year it was and my promise to myself and I took several bites. They weren’t nearly as bad as I had thought though I don’t know if I’ll try them again.

I will spend more time with my sister, assuming she lets me. (Fourteen-year-olds are busy individuals.)

My friend said my mom was ‘brave’ to let my sister come spend a few days at the abode for New Year’s. This is mostly true though it’s unlikely she would be exposed to anything around my group of friends that she hasn’t seen before. We had our bonding time (and she totally bonded with my neighbor’s fifteen-year-old) (IN A SUPERVISED FASHION, gawd). She’s become so much like me that I’m afraid for her. Afraid my genetic code of depression and selfishness and stubborness will find its way into her as she gets older. For now we have music and movies and tons of favorite foods in common so we munch and we watch and we listen and I can and do tell her everything. I hope she does the same.

I will take better physical care of myself.

Like making concrete habits of stretching, flossing, moisturizing, drinking less alcohol and more water, and refusing to inhale as much second-hand smoke. This is the only body and skin I get. I should be a lot nicer.

When my current stash runs out, I’m going to make some oil based cleansers at home and turn to as many natural products as I can. (Oatmeal soap bar stashed in the shower now!) I start my mornings at work with water before I turn to caffiene and I ditch the afternoon Diet Coke for a glass of water.

I’ll continue with the green habits I’ve developed (much to my roommate’s annoyance, I’m sure) and research more for daily use.

For now I’m going to make the current recycling at home a little easier with a few ideas I’ve got to encourage Ree and the people who frequent the abode to do it too. Aluminum, paper, plastic and glass don’t go in the Dumpster outside. Ree got me a kickass Buy•ology Reusable bag that I keep in my car. I’m going to dramatically lessen the amount of plastic bags I take home. (Clothes shopping the other day, I asked if I could just carry out the small stack of jeans and a top. The cashier smiled so wide. We were on the same page.) And I’m all over cleaning with vinegar.

Think I can do it? Think I’m a turd for trying?

What are yours?

-CJ

week 2

calamityjill — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 19:48:09 +0000

This one time, I blew my second seven day resolution and no one was surprised.

I resolution’d last Friday that I would not eat any fast food for seven days (at least) and that I’d pack a healthy lunch for the entire work week. It’s damn near impossible for me to eat three healthy meals a day for any ongoing period of time. I do not diet but I figured I could do a week’s worth of excellent lunches. And on only day two of the work week everyone got together for a birthday lunch that happened to take place at my favorite chain of fast food places and I could not deny them. It would be cruel!

I could have worked around it but I didn’t. Because fail feels so right.

In a group of nine I sat with the two co-workers I’d socialized the least with and we had over an hour of intense, emotional conversation that I think surprised us all. When we got back to the office I sent a quick note: It was nice talking to you ladies! and they each sent back the sweetest damn notes that’ve ever been addressed to me.

So I’m totally cool with failing this week, is what I’m sayin’.

-CJ

week 1

calamityjill — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:53:09 +0000

Super sweet doctor asked me to write one complimentary thing about myself every day.

I’m struggling with this.

But I pass my wall calendar every day with the big green numbers logging the minutes spent on the treadmill and I think… that? Is success. And determination. And consistency. (And an eight pound loss in one month, baby!)

So instead of daily compliments, I’m challenging myself on weekly resolutions. Something to stick to for a seven day period each week.

…I may need a bigger calendar…

As of today, Friday, I will not write anything negative – here, by e-mail, or private journal – no matter how bad my day is. I’ll dig for and find the good in everything that happens and the complaints will subside. I’m sure they’ll rattle about furiously but therein lies the challenge.

-CJ