contrast
August 15, 2010
The man (the one I fuck, not the one I damn) and I made the most of the two different worlds we live in this weekend. At 25 and 28, we still like to stay up late and wake up with regrets, bruises and a tangible drinker’s remorse. As parents we endure enjoy a number of domestic duties as well. (I do consider drunken shenanigans a duty, ps. Where else would I get the fodder?)
Friday night we hit the freeway with two friends for a unique type of double date. The kind where the goal is to create real friendships out of forced and mandatory ones… because you used to screw one half of the other date. It was very fun and not forced at all. There was good food and much, much laughter at the Laugh Factory in Long Beach. Every sixty or so days, I give away my O Negative and sometimes the Red Cross gives me free VIP tickets to a comedy show for it.
Do check out Darren Carter. I just downloaded his album, That Ginger’s Crazy, on iTunes.
You know when you ascend the levels of drunk from ‘buzzed’ to ‘code red’ to ‘oh fuck’? By the time we hit a dueling piano bar after the show, Washington Apple in hand, I realized I’d gone overboard. But in alcohol there’s no Ctrl+Z so I threw it back anyway.
Saturday was a strange day for a hangover. We had 1st, 2nd and 3rd birthdays to attend. We stocked up on Pillow Pets (best toy EVAR) and hit the road:
The first and third birthdays were for the adorable daughters of boyfriend’s (okay, his name is Josh) friend, Charlie. We wore festive leis and all was merry.
The 2nd birthday party was for my girl Kristine’s little lady. The day she was born I had one hand on Kristine’s left foot as she pushed and pushed and total tunnel vision. Birth is beautiful… but not pretty. It’s incredible to see the little blonde cutiepants running around and high fiving and baby talking at two years old now. All full circle and shit.
This morning we were up early so Josh could make an appointment at a sensory deprivation… place. While he floated and went to mental places that scare the absolute shit outta me, Kiddo and I played in the sand and bought more handmade jewelry than we’ll ever need.
I could personally boost the ecomony in Venice with contribution to the crafts on the boardwalk. I am such a sucker. Although I was not having all seventy-seven street musicians pushing their headphones at my face, all CHECK OUT MAH SHIT AND GIMMIE MONEY!*
“Nah, I’m good.”
“Heh. I can see that.”
“Seriously, dude? No.”
*I respect the art and straight-to-the-people marketing. It’s the pushiness.
We made it home and realized we were completely fucking wiped out. I plan to spend the rest of this Sunday in a sedentary state, at some point moving to shovel Josh’s awesome jumbalaya in my mouth.
That is so not a euphemism.
-CJ
all in the family
August 4, 2010
“Why do I have to come home from work and clean this ooooh god I sound like my mother.”
“You sound like MY mother.”
“…”
“You actually kinda sound like my dad.”
“FUCK THAT HE’S A REPUBLICAN.”
preview
July 6, 2010
BFF Ree turned thirty on the fourth of July and a number of us celebrated by way of 80s garb and copious amounts of booze. My gift to her was to hire a photographer friend to capture the evening so there’s four jillionty more where these came from, all of much better quality. A preview:
birthday girl & my sister
birthday girl & Kiddo
It was like, totally rad.
-CJ
first of July
July 1, 2010
The preternatural steely skies seem to have no idea that today is July first. Between that and the iglooic temperatures kept in the office, I tend to forget it’s actually summer. And then I get home and the boy and I maneuver a twin bed frame from one room to another and swish the vacuum and the broom around a bit and my forehead and neck dampen with sweat. I’m leaning down in front of a swamp cooler, holding my hair up and thinking, well shit, it IS summer.
Today is also my lovely little sister’s fifteenth birthday. To consider what I’d done, was doing, and would soon discover at her age makes me want to stick her in the middle of barbed wire play pen. She has a dad and an older brother sharing a house with her but it’s the sister residing twenty minutes away that is considering buying a shotgun. Ya know, as a warning to the gentlemen callers who don’t have her home by 7:30pm.
It’s that pesky probation that won’t allow me to purchase a firearm until 2020. But I think if I tell the judge, ‘you don’t understand. There’s going to be teenage boys near my kid sister…’ he’d totally let up on that one.
My poor daughter, right? When puberty strikes, she moves to the basement, where she’ll be home schooled and hidden from the light of day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRENNA! I love you!
-CJ
of note: didn’t she JUST turn 14?
Dad’s Day
June 21, 2010
Father’s Day went a little something like this:
Morning time lovins, *bow chicka*
Early morning impatience behind the Couple That Asks Questions at Knott’s Berry Farm. I sent Kiddo and her dad inside the park and waited and waited and then I sighed and waited more because all of the questions that could be formed in the English language had just been asked… and then we were on to Spanish. I just needed admission for my kid sister, but the questions did not cease. In fact, I’m posting this from my cell phone, while I wait behind the couple, 1.5 days later.
Admission granted, sister and I sought the biggest and the baddest rollercoasters we could while Kiddo and her dad took off to do smaller, less bad things. Xcelerator is my new favorite thing in the world, even though it is spelled xcelerator. Are we so fast we forgot how to spell, RIDE? HUH?
Eighty-two miles per hour in 3.2 seconds plus a ninety degree drop. In the name of awesome, amen.
The day continued in such a way, pairing off for two to enjoy the mania at a time, Kiddo begging to ride the same damn rollercoaster over and over again. At 35mph, you do not impress me, Jaguar!, even if you do come complete with an exclamation point.
By the time our feet were blistered, we’d conquered about everything except Pink’s.
I am pissed off at Pink’s. What with their incredible reputation and Hollywood Legend Since 1939-age, I wanted so, so much better. We had finally gotten around to trying the famous place for lunch that afternoon now that there is a location in Buena Park (and it is conveinently located right outside the amusement park) and it was just suck.
All suck. All of it. Don’t care if the original is better, I have lost my motivation.
We packed up and hit the movie theater up the street for some overachieving AC and amusement by way of Toy Story 3. It took over twenty-four hours to convince Kiddo that it wouldn’t be a complete waste of her time. She would have much rather seen Avatar: The Last Airbender but we’re big giant jerks and we went to the toy movie. Someone should really call protective services. It doesn’t get much meaner.
Later, we dropped my sister off at home and popped a pizza in the oven for a late night dinner with our new favorite show, To Catch a Predator. My guilty amusement and the need for such public documentation and the capitalizing on the dumb dumbs is all for another day. WE CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THIS SHOW.
Baby daddy was the recipient of an excellent dinner at Benihana the night before and a BJ Penn action figure for his sweet dadly contributions to my precious precious’ life. He’s pretty good at what he does, I must say. Right when my patience gives, he has a way of swooping in. He catches and appreciates all of the little things I miss and no one can make our kid laugh as hard as he does.
-CJ
summer time amusement
June 14, 2010
To occupy the kid and ourselves this summer, Kiddo’s dad and I bought passes to a local amusement park. Its a few minutes drive from my house and we can park in my favorite dive bar’s parking lot for free, where I can look longingly at the neon beer signs, sigh dramatically and resign to riding moderately entertaining rollercoasters with those of the elite 48” Or Higher Club.
We’ve yet to ride a handful of the better rides. The ones that go upside down and backwards while the movie reel of your life plays before your eyes and your heart pumps from inside of your mouth and your blood rushes to all the places where it shouldn’t hang out in such large quantities. We’ll get to those on one of the kid-free days we experience when Kiddo has a sleepover* with my family.
*Someone could promise me a million dollar check and my kid a sleepover at Grammy’s and we would react with the exact some amount of excitement and gratefulness.
We’ve gone three times now. It can be a doozy on the knees and hips until I remind myself that I’m twenty-five and shouldn’t be griping about my aches and pains quite yet. I still have time for my bones to age and creak. It will be about that time that I start caring about matching silverware and the wrinkles in my linens.
You may have noticed, things are pretty swank in the mom-and-dad department. *grin*
-CJ
tips for a weekend in Lake Havasu
May 10, 2010
- Do not carry your brand new perscription glasses in your pocket during a wild ride on one of these:
There is a stylish donkey in the middle of no where, rockin’ Juicy Coutures.
- Bring a good looking boy or two for company.
- Always go back for more blackjack. It took a lot longer to mourn the loss of a fifty dollar bill than it did to lose it. (Less than ten hands.) When I returned as a self-proclaimed ‘determined bitch,’ I won it all back and then some.
- Don’t start in on the champagne too early in the morning. It could result in a nine p.m. bedtime.
- Keep a watchful eye on powdered donut boxes when the hungry hands of a seven-year-old are in the vicinity.
- Bring your most awesome pair of shades:
- Don’t bother with six dollar shots when the cost of the bottle is the price of three of them and comes with approximately 21x the amount of liquor
- Bring bubbles
The celebratory means of the weekend away was 90% my little brother’s 21st birthday and 10% Mother’s day, for which I was gifted a gift certificate to a bookstore. There was much squealing on my part, especially when I read the denomination.
I’m going to buy 500,000 copies of Chuck Palaniuk’s new book just because I can.
A day late to all the mamas – happy day!
-CJ
science fail
April 26, 2010
We went to the Discovery Science Center last weekend.
my little ham & cheeese
She asked directions to the Great Valley
Yes, I made her pose with dino dung replicas
The biggest lesson we learned at the Discovery Science Center?
That we’ll probably never go back. Kiddo had a good time and yes, that was the point. There was enough interactive displays to entertain her and the fourteen hundred other kids but she didn’t actually learn from them. For the money and time spent, everyone would have had more fun doing a number of other things. Namely, rollercoasters at Knott’s Berry Farm. (Upcoming!)
-CJ
kicking ass, taking names, etc
April 11, 2010
With three more numbers to hit vs two gentlemen with one number to hit, I knocked them both out in three throws.
I’m getting good at this.
-CJ
