Filed under: kiddo
Baby daddy attended a parent/teacher conference the day I was in court, pleading my fucking life away. (Woe is me, get on board.) He sent me a text update: Brilliant & sweet, defiant & disrespects authority. Same ol’ Bubby.
To us, this is a good report.
(Now watch me ramble on in a defensive narrative that justifies my seven-year-old being routinely sent to the office and/or principal.)
This kid doesn’t bring home this disrespect and in fact, hardly ever gets into trouble with me or her dad. A stern look, an octave increase in my voice and she understands that I’m to be taken seriously and for good reason. She asks me if I think she uses good manners in certain situations because she makes a point to try. We’re raising a sweet, intelligent, chilvarous little lady.
For a while now, I’ve pulled my hair out trying to remind her that Ms. Teacher is in charge, quit fucking with her. Listen, focus, respect. Over and over until I’m bald and breathless. And I finally realized she isn’t defiant because someone else represents authority. She adores her teacher and all the women in her daycare. She likes school and she’s ridiculously sweet and loving. She’s defiant only when someone tries to stick authority to her. The second she hears something about a potential punishment, it takes everything she’s got not to use the word ‘pathetic’ out loud.
She’s an eye rolling, scoffing, sarcastic, to the T protege of her dad and me!
I have no problem with judges but fuck if I’m going to address you as an honor. We’re both human and I have a robe too. I have no problem with police but once threw my purse at one when he power tripped in a really disgusting, masculine way. It’s someone treating me or talking to me like I’m less than. When authority wants to instill fear, I have a problem. I prefer to laugh or make fun. Surely this is some deeply rooted thing stemming from an incident or something but I’m not a psychologist. I’m a parent and the bottom line is that my kid is acting the exact same way her dad and I would act, only she’s doing it early on. Perhaps our little brat won’t be a doormat for the majority of her life. Fucking fine by me.
Proudly,
Kiddo’s Mom
Filed under: workplace
Endeavor #1: FAIL
Sadly, I saw that train approaching last week when it aaallll went to shit.
-CJ
My newly pregnant friend (!!) seems to be experiencing all of the textbook symptoms and occurances as her body changes. She started a Twitter account for her newly acquired, highly sensitive sense of smell and she is cracking my shit up.
From I Can Smell That:
- I’m pretty sure that the woman who was sitting three rows in front of me at church used Suave coconut shampoo.
- MULCH. :keels over:
- Forget beds; it’s separate rooms from now on. I woke up six times last night due to the combination of garlic, beer, and toothpaste breath.
- It’s like… Chef Boyardee and wet dog.
Send soothing, happy thoughts to her senses.
-CJ
Filed under: daily
Appreciating what you already have, Jill, is how to get more of what you don’t.
(via the universe.)
Okay, here goes: health, extremeties, 2B, great condition vehicle, full fridge, case of Diet Coke, cell service, well behaved beeb, plethora of clothes & shoes, DVR, good neighbors who build new fences for my crumbling backyard, incredible immediate fam, warm shower, working power, constant music, good conversation almost any time I need, Zoloft, a handful of good people who offer to be there when I need them, cute boy who BBQ’d chicken for me last night, a paying job, and the freedom and means to plan a roadtrip ASAP.
I’m waiting.
-CJ
Filed under: daily
I wasn’t kidding when I said my dreams were getting reeeal strange.
Last night Courtney Cox delivered my baby as a favor to me and my fictional girlfriend.
The only realistic part was when I named her with the girl name I’ve reserved for the baby I’ll never have.
-CJ
We went to the Discovery Science Center last weekend.
my little ham & cheeese
She asked directions to the Great Valley
Yes, I made her pose with dino dung replicas
The biggest lesson we learned at the Discovery Science Center?
That we’ll probably never go back. Kiddo had a good time and yes, that was the point. There was enough interactive displays to entertain her and the fourteen hundred other kids but she didn’t actually learn from them. For the money and time spent, everyone would have had more fun doing a number of other things. Namely, rollercoasters at Knott’s Berry Farm. (Upcoming!)
-CJ
Last Thursday, I had to plead guilty* to misdemeanor battery charges and was sentenced to over $1,300 in fines, three years of probation and twelve weeks of anger management. Get this: I didn’t do a fuckin’ thing.
*Guilty was the easier than the routes no contest or not guilty would have gone down. Trust me.
Last Friday, I danced and drank with the girls at a gay club for the first time in what felt like months.
Last Saturday, I saw some live music in a gritty bar with good people and some decade old acquaintances I could have gone without.
Four days ago, I spent forty minutes in a heated discussion with my boss that left me in frustrated tears; the kind that all the willpower in the world will not contain no matter how hard you try to hold up that tough exterior.
Three days ago, I had the most awkward and awful work day of my life, stemming directly from the previous day.
Two days ago, I went to what I thought was a social charity event, hosted by my company. I knocked on the door of the house were I was to meet a dozen or so co-workers to find out they’d all left without me. I headed over to a venue for 2-300 packed tight with at least double that and choked back my disgust for the schmoozing d-bags of the industry. It didn’t take long for me to sneak out and head home.
So there are some ups… but the last seven days have been shit. I’m tired.
-CJ
Filed under: LGBT
So Larry King is getting his 8th divorce, Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time, Jesse James and Tiger Woods are screwing EVERYTHING. Yet the idea of same-sex marriage is what is going to destroy the institution of marriage?
AMEN.
Will the real author please come forward? I can’t for the life of me find you but this wise little paragraph you wrote is spreading like herpes in high school.
-CJ
With the guidance of one my sweetest and wisest co-workers, I was able to completely overturn some negative thoughts that have taken over, even after I’d promised I wouldn’t let them. I made mention of my plaguing lack of confidence in the interview I had recently. She told me to remember that I’d already won. But without a job offer in hand, I didn’t understand how I could have won when some other better qualified candidate could always be in the shadows. She explained how if we decide we want something and we take the first step in achieving it, we win. If fate/chance/circumstance decides otherwise and you don’t progress, your trying effort is still your gold star. It could easily be a pick-me-up for a failed venture but I really, really believe this.
I wish I could arm her with a megaphone and ask her to tell everyone what she told me, without my improvised words mucking it up like they do. It was exactly what I needed to hear. More and more often, the things she tells me seem to be catered to the way my mindgrapes are leaning and she helps me back onto the better, brighter, less-falling-rocks path. Girl has no idea and I should really tell her how easily I breathe when I walk away from a conversation with her.
-CJ
This time of year wavers between exciting and nostalgic. For 2003-’04, ’06-’07 & ’09 I spent a weekend of April/May in Coachella Valley absorbing abundant sunlight, getting irresponsibly drunk and watching dozens and dozens of incredible bands and a handful of shitty ones at Coachella. I’d like for it to be an every year kind of thing but the money it takes for tickets and hotel + my ginormous beer budget divided by some of the lineups (this year, for sure) does not always equal a worthy investment.
Still, a few people have gotten in touch with me recently. “I hear Coachella is this weekend, are you there?!” It’s a safe assumption but no, I’m usually folding laundry and watching the Dodger game when I get these calls.
My Coachella counterpart for four of the five years said it would be good to go if only to discover new music. One flip of the local ‘alternative’ station and you know he is right. Maybe next year I can go without even checking the line up ahead of time and venture in open minded.
Yes. Definitely.
2007, parking lot debauchery
2008, outside Peeping Tom
any year, creepy installation
any year, 10,000 of my friends
2008, beer garden
-CJ
