check your sugarcoat at the door

truth be told

I won’t tell you that I love you.

I struggle to voice the overwhelming emotions that I feel. Sometimes I desperately want to say it, scream it, or tackle someone with a bear hug of appreciation but there’s some invisible barrier that paralyzes me and keeps me from acting or reacting. Sometimes a simple, loving text message from a friend or relative comes through and I beam and melt and tear up… and then close my phone. Sometimes it’s verbal and with every fiber inside of me working to tell me to react otherwise, all I can do is smile dumbly.

I’m trying to figure out if this is part of the insecurity I feel with showing vulnerability or I’m just emotionally stunted.

This is only to say that if you’ve heard the heartfelt from me, I hope it was taken seriously because it took more than liquid courage or the biggest personal pep rally to get it out. It takes a wrench and a handful of power tools and a lot of elbow grease to get those words out. 

And if you find yourself disappointed in the response from someone on the receiving end of your mush…

maybe they do too… but they can’t.

-CJ

1 Comment so far
Leave a comment