During my last appointment with my therapist I had two or three a-ha! moments where I was able to analyze a shitty situation and realize it was completely stemmed from my own actions. This isn’t rocket science, I know. It has taken some twenty-four plus years for me to go, Sometimes I’m wrong and not everything can be blamed on someone else.
I am an intolerable shit, really. The a-ha! was actually more in line with, …oh.
Anyway, I just did it again. I was talking/typing to a friend who has a staunch opposition to organized religion (and some of the most profound and deep things to say on her personal beliefs) who finds herself in a relationship with a lovely, lovely Christian gal. She’s working on being open-minded about their opposing ideas and in my comments to her, I said, “I have to remember that open-mindedness and atheism are not synonymous.” It hurts my chest to even say that. That’s the degree of stubbornness I’m dealing with here. And I’m JUST becoming aware that it exists.
I’m afraid I’ve been a horrible snob for a huge portion of my life and I’m very sorry. (Little stubborn remains screech, “If they’re offended, they should have tried to talk to you about it and not harbored resentment!” GOD, I’m a bitch.)
Ree and I were watching Sex & The City (movie) yesterday at the part where Samantha is harassing Miranda for her exposed pubic forest while she’s in a bathing suit. Miranda flips out about how her lack of grooming/care for nether appearance is part of what led Steve to stray so obviously it’s all her fault that he cheated, etc etc, I cannot believe I’m detailing this fucking movie.
Miranda storms off. Samantha calls after her. I interject, “Fuck that. I wouldn’t be sorry. She put words in her mouth and twisted it up. I’d let her go.” Ree laughed knowingly.
“I know you would.”
I don’t really like that about myself. I have some work to do.
-CJ
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