check your sugarcoat at the door

one rant & two funny

Because I cannot be troubled to plow through this stomach throbbing and sinus pain and say anything comprehensive, I will not recap the painfully hilarious Ocean Beach overnight with the added bonus of my ladyfriend Kristine’s birthday this weekend.

Yet.

Rant: November 13th marked two years of BFFship with Ree. Knowing the anniversary date of a friendship is creepy, says one. Pssh. I fucking own creepy, like you expected any less. So two years ago we were forging a friendship that stemmed from innocent mutual office crushing over my first sake bomb and a teppan dinner that completely restructured all of my previous favorite restaurant/food standards. So I sent her some bright colored tulips. And on the day of delivery, the company called to say, “Those tulips you picked off our site? Are all gone.” I whined that Ree doesn’t have a second favorite that I know of so I don’t waaaanna make a second choice. I settled on yellow roses, which they were also out of. I asked if they could please send something bright and happy that exclaims, “You’re probably one of the very few reasons I’m alive and well, thank you infinitely,” and what they sent did not say this and also? It arrived at 4:50 p.m. when we were most of the way to San Diego. It was prolly the last time I splurge on the silliness of flower sending. Next time I’ll be like, “Let’s have food and beer,” and she will love that just as much as some stupid ass bouquet of suck.

Funny: On 30 Rock, some schmarmy agent was kissing Liz’s ass when he took a call from Brooke Hogan. “You tall glass of bitch!” I nearly seizured from hysterics.

Funny #2: My awesome friend damienne was expressing her ‘punk as fukk’ toughness and said (now that I think of it, I don’t even have repost permission, so if you hate me, my wise writing friend, I am dearly sorry, but this cannot be kept from the public), “I WILL TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL IN THE CAR OF PAIN.”

-CJ

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