geography lesson
June 30, 2009
Jamie: “I’m reconsidering the move the Prague…”
CJ: “I thought you were considering the Czech Republic??”
Jamie: “…Prague is the capital of the Czech Republic.”
CJ: “…”
Jamie: “…”
CJ: “Do you weep for me?”
you know what’s cool?
June 30, 2009
When you have a really great review early in the day, and then an incredibly delicious lunch that your supervisor buys for you, and you and your co-workers exchange happy nom faces over such good food and one of them stares down at his new favorite burger and says, “I think I’ll call you Terrance…”
-CJ
highlight
June 30, 2009
on pressure
June 30, 2009
As a high school and trade school drop-out and twenty-four year old with no college degree, I feel like I have failed at everything. I have no sense of ever fulfilling a meaningful goal. The reality is that I did finish high school, technically, by passing the GED test. And I have been slowly taking courses in college since 2005, skipping a semester here and there, completing eight courses so far. This year I swore with a militant diligence that I would take 1-2 classes per semester until I could graduate.
This summer course that I enrolled in took much thought and scheduling with Kiddo’s dad and averting routines but I was sure it could happen. And what’s four exhausting weeks, in the grand scheme? It would fly by.
Halfway through class last night, when I couldn’t even make it to my car without bursting into tears like a fucking pansy, I tried to explain to myself why I had to drop this class. Why the time allowance in my full time schedule didn’t allow the amount of work that was required outside of the classroom and the amount of hours required inside. How maybe I would just need to skip summer semesters if I was going to balance forty hours a week at work and still have time to keep my life and my daughter in decent working order.
But giving up the semester on those terms was not conducive to my promise to power through it, no matter what. I did what any self-respecting woman does in a crisis and I called my mom and cried in her ear about being angry with myself. She talked me down. Then I did what any self-respecting slightly obsessive woman does when she’s stressed and I cleaned.
I am pissed at myself. I know it’s okay to accept being overwhelmed but I don’t want to. I want to not think of myself as a teenage drop out/knock up and see something through and feel like I’ve done enough to lighten the pressure I put on myself. And no matter how clean my house is, or how well I do at work, or how happy my kid is, I can’t let that be enough. I need to. But I can’t.
Any ideas?
-CJ
everyday
June 29, 2009
Always in the negative, the red… using the resource I lack most to buy more time, time I have less of… Walking, manic through my home, what needs to be done, and if there is nothing that I can do, what can I prepare for? I feel like I have to make every single second one of productivity and still go to sleep feeling like I haven’t done enough. I’m exhausted. And I’ve probably had too much caffiene.
hyprocrite
June 29, 2009
Red is not the color for me. It’s unattractive and painful and currently smothering my arms and shoulders. My sunblock diligence has been utter fail this year and this is at least the dozenth time I’ve been near tears while trying to put my bra on. There’s a reason I always have a full bottle of aloe in the fridge.
I can’t complain too much. My burn was earned yesterday, alongside the ocean, at Warped Tour in Ventura. These tours usually don’t cater to my taste but I was like a small child in my giddy happiness for Less Than Jake and I fed my guitly pleasure by seeing the Ataris for the first time in ten years. TSOL, Bad Religion, Long Way, and punk rock karaoke were especially entertaining too.
Trevor of Long Way, rockin’ guitar from four billion feet.
I used to be all about the moshing and the crowd surfing. Now it just exhausts me to watch. What does that say?
And… I don’t want to be a hypocrite, as I’m all pro-body mod and have dabbled in it myself (nothing extreme) but I DO NOT GET the ear holes I can put my fist through. Someone please help me understand so I can stop gawking like the rest of the world.
-CJ
new favorite spot
June 28, 2009
As plans fell through this morning, I found myself with nothing to do, home alone, on a gorgeous Saturday. I won’t lie – I plopped right down on the couch and watched Choke. And when that proved exhausting, I took a two hour nap. Then I figured I should probably, like, do something. The abode was warm and my new hairs (shorter ft. return of the bangs) needed to see the light of day.
I packed up the new beach blanket, all my school supplies, a Diet Coke and a Reese’s and hit the park. The breeze and tree shade, spliced through with just right rays of sun made for the perfect place to study and I got through way more than I had planned to before I couldn’t resist a BBQ invitation.
-CJ
